When you are ready... it's okay to let go.

Death isn't something I spend much time thinking about unless I am directly confronted with it.  Unfortunately for the people of Botshabelo, young and old, have far more experience with death and are forced to think about it regularly.  It is believed that when someone decides they no longer want to fight for their life, it is okay to let go and stop fighting.  It is a personal choice to die.

Early on in the experience Kay and I were brought on a tour of the whole community.   Part of this tour was a walk to the cemetery that is on the property.  The kids were very familiar with the path and we were happy to be seeing the whole place.  On the road to the cemetery we passed the village well.  The pump for the well is a wheel that the kids can play on.  Pretty amazing idea to make pumping water fun.  The kids would spend as much time on the wheel, smiling and laughing, as we would let them.

It was during the first walk up to the cemetery that we passed these rock formations that I found interesting.  They were obviously manmade, but I shrugged them off until much later in the trip.

One afternoon there was a fire on the hill... it only lasted for a half hour or so, but what it under covered was pretty amazing.  Shortly after the fire, we walked to the cemetery with the kids.  I don't really know much of the story, except for what the kids told me... but the Medicine Wheel was revealed to us.  The interesting rocks were so much more than I had thought.  A Medicine Wheel is a creation by Native Americans and mark the four cardinal directions.  The fire let us see the beauty of what was created in the field.

Everything at Botshabelo has meaning, serves a purpose, teaches us.  For three weeks I walked to the cemetery and admired the rocks as just groups of rocks.  It wasn't until a fire burned down the grass that I could see the whole picture... the beauty in the Medicine Wheel without the dead grass to block my view.  It seems that even the fire and the rocks know it is important to look deeper and see things for what they are.  Look past the surface layer, don't get hung up on the details, make sure to take time to look at the big picture.

The walked continued past the Medicine Wheel and into the cemetery.   The cemetery was like nothing I had seen before.  The kids walked respectfully around each grave and stopped to take care of them when the grave itself was not clean.  

Some of the graves were not marked with more than a number, others as seen above had more traditional headstones.  Each grave was outlined with stones and had water and other gifts placed on top of them.

The views from the cemetery were breath-taking... and included the wishing stones.  

The wishing stones or wishing pile is a pile of stones that has been made by people making wishing or asking for blessing for people... "Please bless my Mom because I miss her" or asking for a quick recovery for someone who is sick.  

Everyone sits around the pile and has a chance to give their blessing or make their wish... people go one at a time and everyone sits quietly and respectfully during the "ceremony".  It is a peaceful time, a reflecting time, a time to connect and give support to each other.  

Death is a part of life.  I was impressed over and over again with the kids of Botshabelo and their attitudes around death and moving forward.

“God gave us crying so other folks could see when we needed help, and help us.”

Very early on it was obvious to me that the place I felt I could have the deepest impact on was in the Creche.  I was not familiar with the term Creche, so as soon as I had access to internet I looked up the definition.  There were two... both fitting:  a group of young animals gather in one place for care and protection by one or more adults OR a day nursery.  There were days when working in the Creche was like being thrown to the wolves... and other days it was the sweetest, most rewarding experience of my life.

It was in the Creche that I fell in love.  I can admit it without feeling badly, I had my favorites.  If you have checked out my pictures, it is obvious that there were a few kids that worked their way into my hearts and profoundly changed me.  

How can anyone resist this face?

What a belly!

Lebo melted my heart!

The Creche Babies were an adventure... there was never a dull moment.  It was here that I realized what I was seeing in every baby at Botshabelo... desperation.  When people ask me what was it like, that is what I think of.  No one wants to hear that, so I focus on the uplifting stories, not the sad, lonely acts of desperation that occur every day.  The Botshabelo kids are without a doubt the happiest and most desperate kids I have ever worked with.  I understand that statement could be confusing, but that is truly how I look at it.

Desperation could be seen at any moment... There were 8 to 10 babies in the Creche on a daily basis with only 2 adults working there.  Clearly, the babies were not getting a great deal of love and attention.  The care givers in the Creche were inexperienced and young themselves, so I do not fault them for not being as involved as I think they should have been.  

When Kay and I would walk towards the Creche, the babies would run to the fence and call to us... "Visitors, visitors".  If we entered, they would run to us with their arms raised begging to be picked up.  If we walked by the Creche, the babies would run to the fence and reach through it.

When we would sit down, the kids would pile onto us and want out love, our arms around them.

The kids were desperate for attention, for love, for hugs, for toys, for a hand to hold, for a smile, for their picture to be taken, to sit on your lap, to be picked up when they were tired or cold or hurt or crying.  There was a level of desperation that could not be met.  Kids would fight over holding our hands... kids would push to knock someone out of our arms or our laps... kids would cry when we would put them down and beg to be picked up again.

Lebo was the worse of them all.  Lebo learned early on that if he cried, I would stop what I was doing and pick him back up.  If I didn't immediately pick him up, he would lay on the ground and "cry" until I reached down and loved him.  

Checking to see if I was looking... so cute.

I clearly picked him up every time...  I couldn't let this adorable little baby lay on the ground and cry. 

My time in the Creche taught me that if I can make someone feel better just by loving them and caring for them when they need it the most, then that is my responsibility to do so.  My arms miss holding my Creche babies... I hope they remember that someone loved them, even if it was only for a short time.

A Place of Refuge

Botshabelo is many things to many people.  I am still trying to figure out exactly that it means to me.. the definition is:  a place of refuge, but it is so much more than that.  I am struggling to put my experience into words.

After 30+ hours of traveling and a quick stop in London, we arrived in Johannesburg (Joburg), South Africa.  An early morning arrival meant we had to wait for a bit to be picked up and delivered to Botshabelo.  Our ride "home" was relatively uneventful, although we stopped numerous times, something we learned was very typical in any adventure away from Botshabelo.

The housing accommodations were so much nicer than we were expecting and there were 2 other American volunteers there, Heather (who left a couple days after we arrived) and Sitara (who is going to be there for a total of 8 months).   Both women were very helpful in getting us settled and explaining how things worked at Botshabelo.

As you can see in the pictures, we had a full (working) kitchen, nice, open dining room, full bathroom and 2 bedrooms.  Kay and I shared a room after the first night because Sitara moved into the house with us.  Adding Sitara completed our house and the adventure began.

The kids of Botshabelo were about to finish up with school and begin their 3 week holiday, so Kay and I were charged with developing holiday programming.  This was right up my alley, until I realized there were NO supplies.  No balls, no ropes, no bases, nothing.  On top of no supplies, there was a language barrier, difficulties with organization and lower social skills than I am used to.  Kay and I got creative and made a list of games that we could easily explain and had supplies for...  Steal the Bacon was a huge success.  After the first couple of days the village kids were playing without us running it!  Ultimate Frisbee was another big winner...  I am not sure the kids got any of the rules I tired to explain, but the certainly had fun tossing the disk around.

During my first few days at Botshabelo, I was exposed to a way of life very unfamiliar to me.  Everyone was accepted for who they were.  People moved forward every day regardless of what life had handed them.  Children smiled and appreciated everything that was given to them... the "babies" (anyone that has grown up at Botshabel, regardless of age) are the happiest group of kids I have ever met.

Everyone at Botshabelo has a story to tell... a traumatic experience they have lived through... some bare scars that can be seen, some do not.  In the 4 weeks were we at Botshabelo we heard many stories, saw raw emotions, brought a little bit of happiness and love to kids that are so desperately in need of it.

More than a Month

I apologize for not blogging while I was in South Africa, however we did not have access to the internet on a regular basis...  it's funny that I started that sentence with "I" and ended it in "we" because everything for the last 5 weeks, has been a "we".  It is my goal to write posts this weekend and fill everyone in on my experience...  I have not decided how I am going to organize them (that is what is holding me back).  

For now... I just wanted to say thank you to Kay.  She began planning this adventure long before I decided I wanted to go.  We shared an experience unlike any other and I am forever grateful.  There will forever be things that trigger a memory that only she will fully understand... I hopeful there will be more adventures in my near future.  

Thailand next summer??  What do you say?

I am not sure how they feel... about alcohol.

So today is the big day...  I am all packed, the car is loaded, and I am getting ready to pick up Kay and head to Boston.  

I have had multiple dinners this week with friends and family...   The outpouring of love and support has been incredible.  I cannot thank everyone enough.   Your laughter and excitement is contagious.   And I appreciate it.  

I am so looking forward to the next 5 weeks.  I know that there will be difficult times in the next few weeks, but I have to believe that the impact this trip will have on me will last a lifetime.  If you have an evening or some free time while I am gone and you are curious as to what life might be like for me, check out "Angels in the Dust".  It can be found on Netflix or on YouTube.  

I will post as often as I can while I am gone, but I can make no promises on how often it will be.  I will take as many pictures as I can and share them all as soon as I can.

Single Digits

I cannot believe that in less than 2 weeks I am going to South Africa.  When I first started thinking about wanting to join Kay on her adventure it wasn’t real.  We bought our plane tickets and it became slightly more real, but not quiet real.  Time passed, money was raised and immunizations started (and thankfully are now over) and things started to get REAL.  Now, with only a few days left before I load my suitcases into the car and head to Boston, I am nervous.

I am not nervous to be away from home, although I will miss my dogs tremendously.  I am not nervous to be flying 1/2 way around the world, I love flying, although some might say I am a restless passenger.  I am not nervous to spend time in a place that I have never been before.  I am not nervous to try new things or meet new people or go to bed hungry if I don’t like what is for dinner (yes Woman, I packed all those Cliff Bars).  I can’t put my finger on exactly what I am nervous for... I just am.  Maybe it’s the unknown or saying goodbye or missing the people I love.  Maybe it’s the lack of creature comforts or forgetting something important or checking one more thing off my bucket list.  Maybe I am nervous that I will fall in love with the place, the people, the culture... I have a hard time letting go.  Maybe I feel nervous because I don’t have my tent and sleeping bag and backpack that I have had for so many other adventures.

This adventure is new.  This adventure will be amazing.  This adventure will forever be a part of me.

Epic Shopping Adventure

This past Saturday I spent the day with my mom... shopping.  I didn't realize how many things I needed to get to be ready for this adventure.  Since I hadn't started packing, shopping was certainly the answer.  My mom and I spent the entire day running from store to store to make sure I have everything I need to be happy in S.A.

I will be rocking out in South Africa in just 10 short days... now I just need to pack everything I got this weekend... oh and enough clothes for a month!

I am starting to feel the stress that comes with leaving home... it is safe to say that I do not like: change (that I am not in control of), not having a clear plan, or not knowing what I will be eating.  The lack of information has certainly increased my anxiety/stress levels... I know everything will work out, I know I will have a blast, and I know I am about to have a once in a lifetime experience. 

I like lists.  I like making lists.  I like checking things off the lists once they are done.  I have been in heaven making "to do" lists to get read for this trip... I  haven't been super successful getting things done and checking things off of my lists.  

It's time to get busy!!  Wednesday is packing day.  Fingers crossed for me!